One thing I have immense difficulty with is the act of letting go. I'm not quite sure why, it's somehow ingrained in me. However, I am slowly but surely getting the hang of this whole closure mess.
I remember having a conversation with my friend a couple months after moving back home from Sweden and had come to the realization that it wasn't something I was going to get over, it was just something I had to move on from. It's a funny thing because in regards to many of my friendships I have a million-second chance policy. Part of that is because I can't stand to let go of someone I have cared for in my life, even if we have hurt each other or distance has come between us.
I see things in black and white far too often and it's hard for me to reconcile that letting go of someone or something doesn't mean that they didn't mean a lot to me, or that I didn't love them. It just means it's time to start a new chapter in my life, carrying with me the lessons I learned in the one previous. I let confusion and hurt hang over my head and carrying it around becomes a burden and closes my eyes to the joy I have in front of me. When it comes to endings, I seldom feel relief - instead I pine for what was and what could have been when I should be appreciating how it led to where I am today. For one reason or another, it becomes time to say goodbye and to wash your hands of a situation. Time reveals lessons from friendships, relationships, and life experiences, and I have to trust that my head and my heart will sort it all out in the end.
