Finding a new home

September 03, 2012 by Heather B.

a San Diego sunset last week

This post is pretty difficult for me to write because it's a source of guilt, shame, anxiety, confusion, and sadness. Over the last couple years, I just haven't felt as close to my faith as I did before. There's a feeling of disconnect, and it makes me feel very disappointed in myself over it. It's largely due to the fact that I no longer live at home and am therefore unable to go to my parish, Santa Clara de Asis (a simply wonderful community, a place I feel like I belong).

I won't blame anyone but myself. I just don't really know how to get back into it. It's not that I've lost my faith, or I've stopped believing, but I have become a bad Catholic. My prayers are few and far between. I don't attend mass unless I'm visiting my parents in Orange County. I lead a selfish life. I rarely pray the rosary. I haven't been to confession in a very, very long time although I know it's mandatory to attend once a year (I had a very bad experience last time, which turned me off it).

I've decided this week to find a church in Los Angeles. This is very difficult for me - when I was in college, I tried out a couple churches, even participating in the on-campus ministry - but nothing really clicked for me. Coming from a family of six, it's sometimes hard to attend mass alone. I watch the other families, couples, and friends together and it makes me feel isolated. I like holding my mom's hand during mass, putting my head on my brother's shoulder, or rubbing my sister's back while listening to the readings. I love being surrounded by families who feel as close as blood, talking with priests who have known me for years, and listening to a music ministry I have come to really enjoy.

This past year has been all about bettering myself, about slowly transforming into the person I want to be. Of course, this will be a work in progress my entire life. I've decided that I'm not going to wait any longer - I will once again be a regular at mass. I will try to live my life in Christ. I will count my blessings, show kindness to everyone, and do good.

I will find where I belong.

Leopard Sharks & Sting Rays

August 30, 2012 by Heather B.

This pass weekend I headed down to San Diego with Farrah - every time I visit the city, it makes me miss it more and more. I can very well imagine myself living there again at some time in the future. Unfortunately, the weather on Saturday was not the best - although the temperature was mild, it was pretty cloudy. This did not stop us from going to La Jolla to try our hand at finding leopard sharks. The boys did get to spot one, but my luck was not as good - at one point, there was a sting ray right underneath me (but I was not aware of this at the time). It's definitely something I'd recommend...especially on a sunny day.

Henrik & Pontus checking out the surf

Papola

Farrah

Papola & Farrah

Henrik

Pontus

Healdsburg

August 21, 2012 by Heather B.

A couple weekends ago, I headed north with my dad up to Healdsburg to celebrate my aunt and uncle's 50th birthday. I adore going up there - it's always great to see family (they have the best home up there), and it involves a good deal of wine, late night chats, and relaxing. I really wish I could have stayed longer.

gorgeous balcony view

smart little Coco

all the plants and bugs are bigger up here

ready for the party

perfect for the hot weather

also amazing on a hot day

simply gorgeous

this balcony is a dream

self portrait

Fantasy Birthday Wishlist

August 21, 2012 by Heather B.

1. A new camera bag. So many companies make cute, purse-like bags - now when I'm shooting, I keep my second lens wrapped in a shirt, which I keep in my purse. I'm thinking that this will definitely lead to it breaking.

2. A pretty, new, big television. I have what feels like an ancient 19" that I can't see from my couch. I want to mount it on the wall and finally get some more use out of my DVR

3. This chair matches my couch, and if I mount my t.v., there will be so much room for it so that my friends don't have to sit on my dinky kitchen chairs when they visit.

4. An iPad. Yeah, I like having the newest, latest things - but it's just so pretty and handy.

5. There are tons of lenses and camera accessories I want, but I'm desperate for a a wide lens, macro lens, a fish, bokeh lens kit...and yeah the list is never-ending (pretty much everything from Photojojo)

6. My nightstand isn't even tall enough for me to reach anything on it from bed, I only have one, and it's ancient. If I get one, I finally have a reason to mount my t.v. That, and I need a surface to put another lamp on due to the very limited light in my room.

7. A record player. Something I've wanted for ages. I also want to steal all my parent's old records because they never use them (but let's be real, I want some big band/American Standard/Jazz to play on it)

8. A new camera house - mine is almost 5 years old and has about a million exposures. I need a new one, seeing as my D60 is simply ancient.

Brooklyn

August 20, 2012 by Heather B.

Last night I headed down to Orange County to snap photos of Brooklyn, who just happens to be my mother's god-daughter. She's such a cutie, and it was great to work with her.

Swedish Invasion

August 20, 2012 by Heather B.

This past weekend was an amazing time for me. My good friends Farrah (bff status) and our Swedish friend Pontus came up ans stayed with me (I can't believe we've known each other for 3 years already!) - bringing with him 3 additional Swedes (Viktor, Henrik, and Lotta - all wonderful, fun people). We laughed until our stomachs hurt, stayed up until the wee hours of the night, explored Los Angeles, and got our party on. I already feel like they are such close friends to me, and I can't wait until we all get together again.