|my living room (I don't turn on the lights until I absolutely have to)|
It's been nearly a year since I left Sweden, and it feels like a lifetime away. When I moved back to California, everything changed. I had to start all over. This was not necessarily a bad thing, but it was scary as heck. You make plans, entwine your life with someone else's, and form a clear picture of how everything will go. I thought I had it all figured out. A wedding date. The year we would start trying to have children. Trips we would take. Somehow I found myself all alone, with nothing (literally- I had no car, no place of my own, no job). I've taken this opportunity to embrace all the possibilities of life.
It's kind of great feeling knowing that I'm young and I still have so much to learn about life, and myself. I can look forward to trying new things, and experiences I may not have had if I stayed in Sweden or if I got married this year. It's a relief to know that I have time to make stupid mistakes, and that I don't have to be tied down to any kind of life. I don't need to have all the answers right now. My entire life has felt like a rush to grow up (my mother can attest to this), and for the first time, I'm realizing I can have something different- I can be someone different.
Moving to a new city has been wonderful and full of anxiety. Making new friendships has been amazing - I've met some genuine, funny, and smart people who I can feel at ease with. People who will go on adventures with me or lie around all day, doing nothing in particular. I'm incredibly blessed. I'm taking this time to try new things. I'm especially concerned with embracing my youth, and learning how to be completely on my own (which includes living by myself). I quite like it so far.